Rocking…

I see her face in the low light; my soft lullabies drift across and fill her room… It’s been a long day of kisses and cuddles, triumphs and milestones, struggles and challenges…

She is, after all, a toddler…

We are both exhausted…

Rocking…

Today, like every other day, was full of ups and downs… Moments of joy and frustration… Her journey of self discovery towards independence is hard on both of us…

But this time together, it’s magical…  No matter what happened during the day, this time is perfect…

Rocking…

A toddler’s emotions are a tide, ebbing and flowing in an ocean of independence and need… Almost a girl… No longer a baby…

Her words today reflected this conflict… “Go away”, “Stop that”, “No”… Then “Mama, where are you?”, “I hold you”…

But now, right now, she is my baby again… She cuddles closer; lying on her side and resting her head against mine… We’ve rocked this way every day of her life…

We barely fit in the chair now…

She reaches her hand up to stroke my face with her purple shirt… “Mama", she says… A sleepy whisper… Then smiles a tired, crooked grin…

Rocking…

I love this time…

I love every day with her… Watching her turn into an adventurous, curious child… I love seeing her personality develop… Her strong will growing stronger each day… Love watching her learn about and explore the world…

But a piece of me misses my baby so much… I can see the days of cuddling and giggling and pumping in the rearview mirror… And that part of me aches to just go back and hold tight…

Rocking…

I know our nights like tonight are numbered… That this time will pass and soon be gone forever… As much as I want her to grow into a strong woman, an independent woman… As much as I look forward to knowing the person she will become… I know how much I will miss this…

That piece of me wishes I could pause life, freeze this moment… Hold it in my heart forever…

Rocking…